“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.”-Muriel Rekeyser
Several months ago I had an interesting conversation with a friend that has been looming large in my mind of late. We were talking about religious icons such as Jesus and Buddha, and my friend was referencing the lore relevant to these icons with an undertone that seemed to convey a bafflement with the power many people attribute to this lore.
He then said, “They’re just stories.”
Just stories? Oh, but my dear, stories are everything.
For every artist that deals in forms of expression that do not necessarily contain words, be they painters, dancers, or musicians like my friend, telling stories is at the core of what they do. Scholars and critics alike have spent years upon years trying to interpret great works of art. It is not sufficient to simply enjoy and appreciate the pretty colors and expressive shapes. No, we as a species find we must get to the heart of the story – what the artist was thinking, what inspired them and/or what they were trying to say. Every dance is built around a story, be it hula or ballet. Who among us hasn’t heard a song and had an involuntary memory or visual impression pop up in their mind? In our country, we even created an entire channel around telling visual stories that songs evoke. Of course, nowadays you rarely see a music video on MTV for all of the reality and other types of shows currently cluttering up its network. But that’s another type of post for another day… 🙂
Stories help us connect to others and we learn vicariously through the experiences of the main characters. Those of you who read myths in school or have even a preliminary knowledge of Joseph Campbell likely know that myths and stories have been revered by many culture throughout history and even across diverse cultures these myths possess common themes. To find historical examples of the power stories possessed, one need look no further than the ancient bards. It is believed that those who wished to become bards (and potentially attain the incredible political power that bards, ovates, and druids often held) were required to memorize hundreds of stories and be able to share these stories in a compelling manner in order to achieve this important designation within their community.
It would appear that humans in general hunger for stories. Why is that? Frank Rose, author of the article, “The Art of Immersion” states,
“Anthropologists tell us that storytelling is central to human existence. That it’s common to every known culture. That it involves a symbiotic exchange between teller and listener — an exchange we learn to negotiate in infancy. Just as the brain detects patterns in the visual forms of nature — a face, a figure, a flower — and in sound, so too it detects patterns in information. Stories are recognizable patterns, and in those patterns we find meaning. We use stories to make sense of our world and to share that understanding with others. They are the signal within the noise.” http://www.wired.com/2011/03/why-do-we-tell-stories/
So, yes, external stories have power. In addition, the more we interact with, focus on, and share these stories, the more energy we lend to them and the more powerful they become. While I could spend hours on the topic of stories with external narrators, I feel compelled to focus instead on the two types of stories that I believe have the most influence over our lives- the stories we tell ourselves. These stories fall into two categories: the stories we tell ourselves about our external reality and the stories we tell ourselves which shape our internal reality.
A lot can be discovered by looking at the stories a person tells themselves about the world around them. The person who believes that he or she is simply a helpless victim of fate, tossed about on the sea of life by destiny will have a very different experience of this life than the person who believes that he or she is master of their fate and captain of their soul. Similarly, the stories we tell ourselves about the people we interact with have a huge bearing on our relationships as well as on our emotions. One of my personal pet peeves is having someone go “silent” on me by not responding to texts or phone calls. My own demons are triggered by these things and they start whispering in my ear that perhaps this person no longer likes me, values me, or wants to interact with me.
I recall a particular incident wherein I texted someone I deeply care about, asking them a question to which I received no answer. So, I tried calling and left a message. Still no answer. The plot in this story thickened in my own mind as I began to alternate between fuming (and narrating the clever, cutting words that would make this person rue the day they neglected me) and being distraught (cut to a scene of me crying in a puddle on the floor). The next day I received a phone call from the seemingly absentee object of my affection and felt pretty ridiculous when I found out that the reason he hadn’t responded was because he had lost his phone. Somehow, that story had never even entered my mind. Yet the narratives that did had enormous sway over me and left me with a day’s worth of unnecessary feelings of frustration, insecurity, and pain.
That may be a silly yet dramatic example, but it is a compelling one nonetheless. I am also currently watching this play out with someone I know, though not well. In the past, there have been incidents in which this individual has legitimately experienced some painful situations and negative treatment because of a condition he has. Yet because the narrative of past experiences has become so ingrained in his psyche he now perceives every potentially disagreeable or unpleasant experience and interaction (trivial or not) through this lens to the point where he refuses to see any other possibilities. There have been completely simple and innocent misunderstandings which have led to him experiencing likely unnecessary pain and depriving himself of what could have been a fulfilling relationship with amazing individuals-all because of the story he has told himself about the world around him and the people which inhabit this world.
Think about any action someone around you has taken that has impacted you in some way. Now think about every possible motive, intent, and/or reasoning behind that action and tell yourself the story from each of these angles. Would you react similarly regardless of the underlying intent of the action? Not likely. Would you experience the same emotions with each different retelling or would your feelings sway, perhaps even as dramatically as a pendulum? Would the story you chose to believe the most and your emotional reaction to it determine your next move and would your next move then set the tone for your future relationship and interactions with this individual? Undoubtedly.
Perhaps the most powerful stories we tell are those that we tell ourselves about ourselves about who we are and what we are capable of. I have come across and/or been acquainted with many people who have suffered tragedies and hardships that no one should have to in this life. It could easily be said that many of these individuals started at a disadvantage and/or did not have the opportunities that most of us often take for granted. While certainly not the only contributor to success, one of the main differences that I have observed time and time again to be the determining factor in whether these individuals succeeded and moved forward has had to do with the story these individuals told themselves about whether or not they could achieve the outcome they desire, whether they were strong enough to persevere, and whether or not they were deserving of what it was that they wanted in their lives.
How many people have you known who have unintentionally sabotaged their relationships because of conscious or subconscious belief systems that told them they weren’t worthy or good enough? How many times have you or someone you cared about failed to take advantage of an opportunity, take a risk, or pursue a dream because of an unwillingness or inability to believe that this type of success was a real possibility in the story of your/their life? How many times have we felt our heart swell up with excitement or desire only to crash mere seconds later and hear ourselves meekly say, “I could never”, “that’s not me” or simply walk away? I can say with all honesty that if I lived my life according to the story that I wrote for myself over 20 years ago I would never have experienced some of the greatest adventures and most treasured moments of my life. And, yet, there are still times when I find that the story I tell myself about myself -the one that pops into my head involuntarily before I have had a chance to think- is limiting, constraining, and doesn’t really ring true. When I look back on my life, I want to be able to tell a story that is engaging, and that demonstrates an effort to squeeze every last bit of joy and love out of my time on this planet. I want my story to be one I am proud of and to illustrate who I really am at my core, who I would be if I only believed I could.
Here’s the good news – we are the authors. The stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves determine the course of our lives. They create the groundwork for the legacy we leave behind. At any moment we can revise the drafts that have found themselves implanted in our minds. We can erase that which doesn’t fit our view of who we are or want to be and we can choose to replace it with a truer version, a more fulfilling narrative. It’s not always easy. We first have to be willing to delve into the stories that exist within us whether we realize it or not. Just about every successful author goes through many drafts and makes several revisions before birthing a finished product. As narrators of our own lives, we too make revisions as a result of the choices we make and the things we learn from our experiences – both the good and the bad. The problem is that we often don’t make these revisions consciously and we therefore live out our story without truly understanding or grasping that it is ourselves alone that have the power to determine how we will fill the pages.
So revisit your story. Tell yourself a new one if the existing one isn’t working for you. In fact, I challenge you to rewrite your own personal myth from creation/birth until now much like the traditional myths, as though you were a deity. What amazing powers do you have? What are your geis’, your taboos, your mortal downfalls? What do you stand for and what boundless adventures have you had or will you seek?
No, stories aren’t simply child’s play. They aren’t merely meaningless ramblings of our imagination. Without myths, we would be limited in our ability to understand things and people that we have never encountered. It’s likely that we would be stifled in our capacity for envisioning what is possible for ourselves and our world. The arts-all of which convey stories- make our world vibrant, so that we exist in color rather than just in drab black and white. I would hate to think about what this world would look like without the beauty of all genres of creative expression.
Stories are portals into other worlds. Stories are power. Stories are everything.
What tales will you seek? What worlds will you enter as a result? What stories will you write for yourself that will empower you, help you reach your full potential and squeeze every bit of joy and happiness out of this life? Your story will be uniquely, epically yours and as books often do with their readers, your story just might be the spark or fan the flames for someone else to be inspired, rewrite their own story, and maybe even change the world.