“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”-Mary Oliver
In those moments when I get caught up in the mundane drudgery and feel like I am just existing, I think about this quote from Mary Oliver. There have been days filled with fires and a seemingly insurmountable pile of tasks to do when I have felt as though perhaps I was wasting this one wild and precious life and have told myself I needed to do more, be more, go on more adventures. Yet, one day in a moment of solitude I took the time to really reflect on what I have done in my 46 years on this planet and found that I have had some incredible adventures wherein I truly LIVED and relished my life. The list below, while not exhaustive, has helped me to remember that not every day need be special and that I have been blessed with some treasured moments. I have…
Visited ruins, the Sistine Chapel and great works of art in Italy
Frolicked with dolphins, explored ancient Mayan temples, and zip lined over the ocean in Mexico
Seen wonders such as authentic flamenco dancing and churches thousands and thousands of years old in Spain
Witnessed the fire that never dies and the sacred, healing wells of St. Brigid’s in Ireland
Explored diverse street markets, Buddhist temples, and the Great Wall in China
Encountered snake charmers and belly dancers, navigated maze-like cobblestone streets in a walled city and reflected each day during the call to prayer in Morocco
Snorkeled amongst sea turtles and manta rays, walked through an ancient shrine and watched the sun rise and set over the vast ocean in Tahiti
Successfully “haggled” in markets in all of these places
Chanted with Buddhist monks
Slept under the stars
Learned to play the violin, sing, and belly dance (Not all at the same time, though that could be interesting…)
Walked a labyrinth and attended a powerful ritual in the Berkshire Mountains
Had my writing published in multiple books/sites and had one of my silly songs used in a short film which was submitted to film festivals all over the world
Told people’s fortunes
Gone whitewater rafting and indoor skydiving
Testified before the legislature
Danced on a large stage at the former Aladdin Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas
Spoken in front of hundreds of people
Watched a mountain lion lazily cross my path in California
Gotten a tattoo that has great meaning for me
Gone from being born deaf to having the gift of hearing
Been told by someone close to me that I taught them that life was a gift
Taken a huge risk which completely changed my life
Looking back through this list it would almost seem like my life was one big amusement park ride! (Ala the Rimmer ride for those “Red Dwarf” fans, though a bit more exciting.) I would suspect that all of you reading this have had adventures just as great if not greater than these, even if you have never been a thrill seeker, an artist, or a world traveler. I say this because of all of the adventures I have ever had in my wild and precious life, the greatest, most thrilling, most exotic one of all has been to love.
In some way, shape or form, I have paralleled most if not all of the adventures on my list through the simple act of loving someone. Loving someone –especially when the love is new- is a huge risk which completely changes our lives. It is much like learning a new culture. You look through someone else’s lens and you begin to see things in a new way. The most ordinary of things can be made extraordinary simply by changing perspectives. By seeing things through the eyes of those I have loved, I have rediscovered the people, places, and situations I may have taken for granted and have found new ways to leave my mark on the world. Learning someone else’s preferences, communication styles, and dreams and fears is akin to learning a new language. I have frolicked in light and love, giddy with the discoveries those I love have made –and savored-about me.
I have experienced infinite sunrises each time someone I loved awakened something new in me. The sunsets that have occurred each time a loved one has left my life may have left me grieving but were also reminders that a new beginning was right around the corner and that life was a vast ocean of possibilities. Every relationship with someone I have loved has been a dance, each one different and new. Some were fast and frantic as I fell hard and quick while others have been slow, even haunting in some cases. I have made music each time I danced through someone else’s life and have engaged in a relationship that was in its own way a great and unique work of art. Even the most unpleasant of my relationships was a great work of art in its own right if for no other the reason than the growth that occurred because of it. Just like writing that is published and will live on forever in some form, each time I have loved I have touched immortality, knowing that I will forever be a part of my loved one’s history and will never escape their memory. The same is true for them with me as well. Like a tattoo, we have each left an indelible, permanent mark on the other’s heart and soul.
I will admit that I have visited the ruins of my past relationships in my mind far too often. Just as with the ruins of ancient civilizations that I have seen in Italy and other places, I have felt that viewing ruins too soon after something so significant has collapsed makes it hard to see anything but destruction. It is only when enough time has passed that we can sift through our memories to find the artifacts that both remind us of who we used to be as well as how much we’ve grown. In doing so I can honor the past while appreciating the present. I have haggled and bargained in my relationships with a fervor much like my haggling in exotic world markets. While I wasn’t always successful in getting what I wanted, I was able to find my voice in the process so that I could express my needs and speak my truth.
Like skydiving and whitewater rafting, each time I have made myself vulnerable by surrendering to love, it has felt simultaneously dangerous and freeing. I have had the beautiful experience of having a idle sense brought to life as each of my loved ones has opened my eyes to horizons I couldn’t see and has helped me to hear music I never knew existed. I have done this as well, not just for friends and lovers but for my child as I helped him explore each new stage of life. My lovers have crossed my path like various animals. Some fast and furious like a cheetah and some slow, sensual and confidently sauntering like a mountain lion. And yes, I will admit, I have even had some snakes cross my path…
One of the greatest, most fulfilling, and most surprising trips I have undertaken has been that of learning to love and know myself. Oddly, as I have moved through different stages of this life I have found at times that even I didn’t realize what was lurking beneath my surface. Sometimes these discoveries were ones of darkness and pain that I thought I had already purged, some were talents that I didn’t know I possessed, and some were reservoirs of strength that I was shocked to learn that I had. Each phase of this life has been full of surprises. I never quite know what I will find around every corner, and even the best of travel plans can go awry. Yet the further I explore and stretch outside of my comfort zone, the more treasures I find. As the years go by and I travel through this life I find that I become increasingly comfortable in my own skin. I like me-most of the time. The journey of self-love is one that does not have a set destination in sight and may have some detours and setbacks but ultimately it will be worth it in the end.
I have had people tell me that some of the things I have done and travels I have made were too scary for them to even consider. Honestly, I feel the courage needed to achieve the things on my list pales in comparison to the bravery need to love, and especially to love unconditionally and fully. It takes a huge leap of faith to surrender our heart to another – be they our child, a friend, or a significant other. The worst thing that has happened to me in any of the items on my list is that I have perhaps been uncomfortable or embarrassed and occasionally intimidated or scared. At times, I have felt some physical pain but nothing that hasn’t healed pretty quickly. Risking one’s heart is an entirely different animal. You stand to lose so much more than your sense of comfort. Bruises and scrapes on one’s heart take a long time to heal. When you love, you are bound to get hurt. Yet, loving is the only way we can truly experience the best that this life has to offer.
When you encounter a barrier or roadblock in your travels, you don’t simply stop and give up. You find a way to keep going. The same is true for love. It is a deep, healing well that is self replenishing and can provide you with more joy than can be described in mere words. It is the most powerful force in the universe and can be likened to the sun. Of course you can get burned by the sun but rarely does one even contemplate turning away from it completely as we like to bask in its warmth and we need it for our growth and survival. Love is an unparalleled adventure and offers far more rewards than any other experience I can think of. I believe that the person who has loved has experienced this life far more fully than any world traveler or thrill seeker who has not risked their heart.
So, what will you do with your one wild and precious life? I hope that at the top of your list, the answer is that you will love; fully, deeply, and tenaciously without holding anything back.